


summer stay

by ErjaStark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aunt Peggy Carter, Banter, Getting Together, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25264627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErjaStark/pseuds/ErjaStark
Summary: 1992.After angering his father one too many times, a 22-year-old Tony Stark is sent away to spend his summer with the recently discovered Captain America. Tasked with helping him adjust to this new time, Tony quickly discovers that his flaring anger isn’t the worst part about this whole ordeal. Steve Rogers doesn’t sleep or eat and is haunted by more than just one nightmare about his past - which leaves Tony with the seemingly impossible mission of somehow convincing Steve that his life shouldn’t have ended in that plane crash and that it isn’t too late for him to find a new home, all the while battling his own demons.
Relationships: Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter & Tony Stark, Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa - background Relationship, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 15
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Who is ready to bear with me as I attempt to post my first longish fic? This can only end well. 
> 
> Tags are pretty heavy but believe me, it'll get better. And then worse. And then even better again! Just bear with me on this one.

_June 12th, 1992_

Steve nervously paced around the mostly empty living room, trying to decide if he should blow this whole thing off or not - all the while pointedly ignoring the fact that it was most definitely too late by now to voice any kind of concern about the approaching situation. If he had only said ‘no’ when Howard first approached him with his request, this could have been prevented. 

But Steve hadn’t said no. Too confused about everything that had been happening to him in that moment, and far too grateful for Howard and everything the man had done for him up until this point, Steve hadn’t said what had truly been on his mind. 

After all, the only reason he was here right now, running a track into the brand new wooden floor of his house, was because his old friend had never stopped looking for him; had never given up his mission on locating the super-soldier after he’d gone missing. 

Spending the summer with Howard’s son and allowing the boy to help him adjust to this new time was the least Steve could do - or that was what he kept telling himself. If the media was to be trusted, Steve was in for a ride. Of course, he couldn’t trust everything that the press was saying, that much he had already learned during the last month (and his time before), but it was still giving him a reason to worry. 

A freshly turned 22 troublemaker inside his home didn’t sound like the best idea. Oh, Tony Stark was supposed to be one of the smartest minds of his generation which Steve didn’t doubt, knowing his father and all - but he was also supposed to leave a trail of fire and outrage wherever he went. 

Surely, there were a lot of more qualified people to help him get to know this new place.

But when Howard had come to him with the idea, Steve had done nothing but smile, nod and say ‘thank you’. It was the least he could do and surely, the man knew better than Steve did, right? If he was being honest, he blamed the damn Captain America persona he had been forced to adopt ever since his transformation.

Captain America was selfless. Captain America’s only interest was taking care of the people, not himself. Captain America did everything to ensure that those around him got what they wanted. Captain America was happy to house Tony Stark for the entirety of the summer. Of course, he was. 

Steve was about to pick up the phone for the 5th time in the last hour and call the entire thing off when a knock on his door told him that it was too late - his guest had arrived. There was no one else he expected, no one else that had been in here ever since Howard had handed him the keys to the place with a broad smile and a ‘SHIELD sends its regards’. 

It had to be Tony. 

Sighing deeply, Steve slowly walked over to the front entrance to let the young man in. He made it halfway to the door when a second, more forceful pair of knocks echoed through the house, accompanied by a “Listen, if you aren’t planning on opening this door, I can fuck off again. Got no problem with that.” 

Perfect.  
  
A part of Steve wanted to do just that, wait in the hallway until the man outside left again - but that wasn’t the right thing to do and Tony was probably just as nervous as Steve was. Probably. Hopefully. 

“Coming,” he called out in hopes of calming Tony down a little and quickened his pace for the remaining distance between him and the entrance. As soon as Steve was close enough, his hand reached for the door handle, twisting it until he was able to pull the door opened, revealing the man on the other side. 

He didn’t expect the giant hazel brown eyes that awaited him. They were the first thing that caught his attention, practically pulling him in. It took Steve a moment to catch himself but when he did, Tony seemed to be just as caught off guard as he was.  
  
“Well, I’ll be _damned_.” It was most certainly better than the first thing the young man had said moments ago. “You know, I’ve seen a lot of pictures of you, mostly in my father’s study ‘cause the man is a weirdo, but none of them managed to capture those gorgeous blue eyes of yours.” Tony looked like he meant every word of it, smirk as big as it could be. “Did you absorb the ocean into them during your time as Jack Frost?”

“I—” Steve didn’t know how to continue. This was good… right? This was better than having to deal with a pissed off Tony Stark. “No, they were always blue,” was what he blurted out in the end. Becoming Captain America hadn’t improved his conversation skills. “Uhm, you can come in.”  
  
He stepped to the side, gesturing for Tony to enter his house. That seemed to break whatever spell had taken ahold of the young man, the smirk falling from his face, replaced by a deep frown. “Right. Well, let’s check out my prison cell, shall we?” 

Tony walked into Steve’s home, allowing him to push the door shut again and keep the cold wind from entering as well. In the past, he hadn’t minded the cold but ever since he’d been saved from the ice, Steve preferred to be as warm as possible. It was something he should probably talk about and something he most definitely wouldn’t. 

He watched silently as Tony looked around the hallway, not missing a chance to peek into the living room. “Wow, this really _does_ look like a prison. I wasn’t wrong.” Steve shifted from one foot to another, suddenly embarrassed by the overall lack of… everything.

The house had all the needed furniture but nothing to personalize it. There were no flowers, no photos, no nothing. Anyone could live here - the house was basically in the same condition it had been when he had moved in. Steve was already planning on putting a few pictures of himself and Bucky up; of the entire Howling commando in general.  
  
So far, he hadn’t gotten around to doing anything. 

“Yeah, it’s a little lifeless right now,” he commented, hands going into the pockets of his jeans. With Tony still having his back turned to him, it gave Steve the chance to properly take him in without feeling like he was being put on the spot. The young man’s upper body was covered by a stylish leather jacket that looked like it did wonders against the cold and a duffle bag was lazily swung over one shoulder. 

Before Steve could continue his silent inspection, Tony turned back, frown still in place. “Only works in my favour, to be honest.” He couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not. “Not gonna lie, if I had walked in here to see a picture of you and my father being all lovey-dovey, I probably would have lost it.” The words were harsh but the voice saying them was more humorous than anything else. 

It only confused Steve all the more. 

“Your father is one of my oldest friends,” he carefully began explaining, just to be interrupted by Tony’s loud and dry laugh before he the chance to say anything else arose. Okay, this had been a mistake. 

“From what he told me, it sounded more like you were some kind of god to him. Seriously.” Tony waved his hand in a way that suggested that he was thinking about throwing something away; or dreaming about hauling it at someone. “Talks about nothing more than how _perfect_ you are. I can build a fully functioning robotic arm that works via voice control but oh, Captain America managed to single-handedly save the world in 1945, Tony. What can your robot do for the world, huh?” 

The clear resentment for Howard surprised him. Sure, the man had been famous for being a bachelor and a know-it-all but Steve had always considered him to be charming and overall, a good person - not to mention that the guy had been one of the driving forces in the fight against HYDRA. Many people would call him a hero.

His son clearly didn’t share that opinion.

“I’m sorry.” It was the only thought that came to his mind, even though he had no idea _what_ he was apologizing for exactly. From the look on Tony’s face, Steve suspected a similar line of thought in the young man’s head. 

He waved Steve’s apology off, duffle back dropping to the floor in the process. “Forget it, man. Not like it’s your fault. I guess I just got unlucky.” The grin he shot Steve was all teeth, skin wrinkling around the corners of his brown eyes. “Because let’s face it, no matter what I’ll do with my life, I'm never gonna compare to you or what you’ve achieved.” 

“That’s not true,” Steve blurted out before his mind could come up with a proper response. “Howard told me that you’re highly intelligent and-”  
  
“Did he now? Wow, would be nice to hear him say that to _me_ every once in a while but, oh well.” One of Tony’s hands went up to run itself through the young man’s brown and slightly curly hair, effectively messing it up. “While we are at it though - what did the old man say to get you to agree on this? Sure, I’m highly intelligent and blah, blah, blah but you must have heard something entirely different from everyone else, even if you’ve only come back from your ice vacation like a month ago.”

Tony’s fondness of ill-timed jokes could potentially cause a problem during his stay. In contrast to popular opinion, Steve _did_ know how to have a laugh but not when the topic joked about involved the most traumatic event he’d ever been put through. 

“Liste, Tony—” He halted for a moment, brows furrowing in uncertainty. “Can I call you Tony?”  
  
“What else should you call me? Mister Stark?” A snort echoed through the hallway. “No, thank you.”

“Right. Tony, I’m happy to have you around and help me. I really need it - but I don’t get the feeling that you’re all too thrilled to be here and I don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced to spend your time with me.” It was summer, after all, and Steve could imagine about a thousand things a person like Tony could do instead of being locked up with an unstable war veteran. 

Tony was quiet for a moment, grin slightly faltering before he caught himself. “Oh, but I _am_ being forced. Dad threw a fit a few weeks ago when I blew up something in the workshop. Was totally on purpose, by the way. Had a shit day and needed to blow off some steam.” He shrugged in a manner that Steve would already describe as Tony-like, despite having known him for less than 5 minutes. 

“So, this is…?”  
  
“My punishment? Yup, pretty much. Come on, Captain—”

“Steve, please.” Every time someone called him Captain, Steve felt like he was back on the battlefield, back in the command centre, back where he actually belonged. The feeling that crept itself up his body and into his heart at the thought was one he’d like to ignore. 

“Fine. Come on, _Steve_ \- did you really think I would have volunteered to be stuck with you for the entire summer? Time I could have spent with my friends or with people who share at least a few of my interests. No offence, of course.” Tony straightened his back and saluted. “God bless America.” 

Steve sighed, head dropping, eyes focusing on Tony’s shoes instead of his face. “I’m sorry.” He hadn’t known that. In retrospect, it made more sense that Howard had made his son come here than Tony actually asking to do so - but just because it made more sense didn’t mean that Steve had considered it. “I can call Howard if you want. Tell him that I’ve thought better of it and would prefer to spend the summer on my own.”  
  
It wouldn’t be a lie. Sure, he’d keep out certain details regarding Tony’s own reluctance for the whole arrangement but he wouldn't exactly lie. Withholding information was an entirely different matter. 

“Aww, Steve. That’s really cute of you.” Tony’s sugar-coated voice caused Steve to lift his gaze again, watching as the young man crossed his arms over his chest, the gesture accompanied by a wink that almost made Steve’s cheeks gain more colour than appropriate. “It’s the whole Captain America thing taking over, isn’t it? All that honour - I can practically _see_ it seeping out of you!”

“Tony.” Steve sighed, pulling his hand out of the pockets of his jeans in favour of going to his hips. He was fine with Tony’s resentment, really - with all he’d been told, Steve completely understood. That didn’t change the fact that this conversation was beginning to tire him out. “Do you want me to call Howard or not?”  
  
The young man continued to smile, clearly not bothered by how much he was getting on Steve’s nerves. “Ah, no thanks. The old bastard is going to find a way to pin this on me, no matter what you say. We’ll just have to suffer through this - you, not wanting me here and me, not wanting to spend 6 weeks with you. It’s going to be a great time.”

Steve could only imagine.  
  
Tony bend down, a few locks of hair falling into his face as he picked up his duffle bag, once again slinging it over his shoulder. “Alright, I think that was enough pep talk for a first meeting. Where am I gonna crash? Please, don’t say the couch in there.” He pointed behind himself, at the small excuse of a couch that was in the middle of the living room. 

“What would be wrong with that? You’re small enough to fit on it,” Steve drily replied, not expecting Tony to actually laugh at his joke. But the young man did snort for a moment before fixing him with a look that required a proper answer. “I have a guest bedroom upstairs. You can stay there.”

That seemed to satisfy Tony and he took a step back, gesturing for Steve to make a move for the staircase beside him. “By all means, then. Lead the way.” Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He was at the bottom of the stairs in seconds, eagerly starting the climb. The soft creaks of wooden steps behind him indicated that Tony was following. 

The house was too big for one person alone. Steve didn’t need two floors, he barely needed anything besides the bedroom, bathroom and perhaps the kitchen. The rooms were too big and wide-opened, standing in such strong contrast to his old apartment in Brooklyn. Everything had been cramped there but that’s what made it his _home_. Filled with memories of his mother and father and Bucky in a time where he had served a purpose, Steve would have done everything to move back into it.

But that wasn’t a place worthy of Captain America. So, here he was, stuck in a place that felt nothing like home and more like he’d get lost inside it.

They arrived at the top of the stairs, Steve quickly walking past the several other doors in the hallway, Tony close behind. The young man agreed with Steve about the house being a tad too big. “How many people live in this place?” 

“Just me and all my great deeds,” he answered, coming to a halt in front of the door leading to the largest guestroom. “I told your father that it’s too big but he said that SHIELD insisted.” Whatever SHIELD was. All Steve knew, all that he’d been told so far, was that Peggy and Howard had confounded it shortly after he’d gone missing. Apparently, it was some sort of successor to the Strategic Scientific Reserve.

He didn’t know any more - mostly because since his return, Steve hadn’t spoken to Peggy once and tried his best to avoid any news that involved her. He wasn’t angry with her, no - he was actually happy that she had moved on and found someone to spend her life with.

That didn’t mean that his heart ached any less when thinking about it.

Everyone who had gotten the chance had moved on, leaving Steve alone in the ice-cold water, swimming against the unrelenting waves, trying not to get crushed.

Tony’s voice brought him back to the present. “And with SHIELD, he probably meant himself. Not that much of a difference, right?” Steve’s hand was on the doorknob, about to twist it open but hearing those words made him freeze.  
  
Turning his head just enough to glance at the young man, Steve was quick to add “ _And_ Agent Carter.” He didn’t know _how_ big of a part Peggy had played in founding the organisation but he wasn’t about to let her be erased completely. 

Surprisingly, Tony’s face brightened up at the mention of the woman. “Yeah, of course. Agent Carter. My mistake.” Steve watched him for a few more seconds but Tony didn’t speak again, clearly not about to give anything else away. 

With a sigh, Steve opened the door and stepped inside. The room was just as big as his own bedroom, if not even bigger. It featured the bare minimum - a bed, closet and desk. The walls were depressingly blank, the only warmth belonging to the sun rays that seeped through the large window. 

“Feel free to make yourself at home.” Steve came to a halt in the middle of the room, turning around in time to see Tony dumping his duffle bag on his bed. “You can decorate the room while you’re here. I never use it, anyway.”  
  
The young man nodded as he approached the desk, fingers sliding over the wooden surface. Steve’s eyes flicked down to follow the movement. Tony’s hand looked rougher than he would have expected of a 22-year-old. Even from where he was standing, Steve could make out distinct cuts and scars that ran over the back of it and around his fingers.

Engineer hands, he realised after a moment. The image of Tony locked up in his workshop, tinkering away like Steve had seen his father do many times during the war came to his mind, made him smile. Steve got snapped out of his trance when the hand on top of the desk was pulled back abruptly. 

“If I buy stuff, like a metal desk for example, could I put it in here as well?” Tony asked after having finished his investigation of the currently present desk. Open seeing Steve’s no doubt confused expression, he explained further. “You do know that I take after the old man when it comes to engineering, right?” Steve nodded, not sure if Tony actually expected an answer or not. “Well, wooden desks aren’t a good idea for me to work with. Except if you want it to be caught on fire, that is.”  
  
“You’re planning on making a fire in this room?” 

“Not _planning on_ … but that is a possibility you always have to consider and I tend to set stuff on fire even if I don’t wanna. That’s on me. _But_ I promise that I’ll do my best to not burn us into crisps during my stay.” 

Steve frowned. He wasn’t a fan of the cold, sure, but being trapped inside a burning house was the other kind of extreme. His eyes met Tony’s and he was taken aback. There was pure excitement blazing inside the hazelnut orbs, like the fire Tony had been teasing him about. It was the first time since the young man’s arrival that they showed something besides boredom and borderline resentment. 

Perhaps that was the reason for Steve’s following words. “Yeah, okay. Metal desks are alright.” His kindness was rewarded by another wink, this time the blush that had been steadily approaching blossoming into something embarrassing. 

Steve turned and Tony laughed, the sound loud and deep, echoing through the bleak room. These six weeks were going to be the death of him - that much he already knew. 


	2. Chapter 2

_June 13th, 1992_

Tony woke with a start, momentarily confused as to where he was. He shot up in a bed he didn’t know, unfamiliar sheets sliding against his naked upper body. There was pale moonlight shining into the room through a nearby window and honestly, it didn’t look like a place he’d been put into if this was a kidnapping.  
  
And then, he remembered.

Groaning, Tony let himself fall back down again, his head hitting the pillow with a dull ‘thump’. Technically, this wasn’t a kidnapping but he was still here against his will. Six weeks stuck in a house with Captain fucking America, war’s poster boy and the world’s golden child.

His old man had really taken it too far with this punishment. Tony hadn’t even gone out to embarrass him in the press like he usually did. Running around naked in public, making horrendous comments that could cost Stark Industries its next big contract, making fun of their company's newest innovation - those incidents usually pissed his father off the most. 

Because reputation was everything that mattered in the end. How he looked to the rest of the world. As long as all those people whose names he didn’t even know loved him, all was good.

And the fact that his son resented him for it was a small price to pay.

At least this way, Tony wouldn’t have to spend his summer with the damn bastard. No boring Stark Industries work, no reading of mile-long contracts and most importantly, no hour-long board meetings where he’d be stuck in a hot room with sweaty, old men who were interested in nothing but profit. 

Steve Rogers appeared to be just as uninteresting as Tony had expected him to be but at the very least had no interest in money - or anything else, for that matter. 

Tony had only been there for half a day but in that time, he hadn’t seen Rogers smile once, his face always either impassive or unaffected. Yeah, he’d been pulled into a new decade but it wouldn’t kill the guy to smile every now and then. 

And having him as a house guest wasn’t _that_ awful. Honestly, Tony had it that much worse. They’d have to start from scratch, given the fact that Rogers had no clue about anything going on in this time - he’d barely been outside in the month he’d been unfrozen, hadn’t met with anyone besides his old man and a few doctors and refused to talk about his life before the hardcore icing. 

Tony had no clue how he was going to help when Rogers was so determined to keep living inside the little bubble called denial that he’d created around himself. Even his damn house was furnished like it belonged to someone with barely enough money for a loaf of bread. 

Having being forced to learn everything about the hero Captain America, Tony knew that the guy had been fairly poor before he’d gotten pumped up on steroids. This was probably his desperate attempt to stay a bit longer in 1945… and people had the nerve to say Tony had bad coping mechanisms. 

He turned, sheets slipping further down his body. His eyes caught the time displayed by the clock on the bedside table. 

3.41 a.m. 

Great. It was the middle of the night and from the looks of it, Tony wouldn’t fall asleep anytime soon. Once he was awake, it was almost impossible to close his eyes again. That - and he was really hungry. 

He made it a few more minutes before his stomach won the silent discussion. Tony got out of bed, hissing when his feet touched the cold floor. He hadn’t brought any slippers with him and putting on his normal shoes wouldn’t be worth the effort.

Barefoot, Tony slipped out of his room and walked down the hallway, the wooden boards creaking softly under his weight. The sound was barely above a whisper but in the otherwise silent house, even the smallest noise carried itself through every corner. 

Rogers had given him a tour of the rest of the house, so locating the kitchen wasn’t a problem. Finding food, however, proved to be an impossible task. The fridge was empty, except for a carton of milk and a mass that Tony recognized as meat - but he couldn’t make himself a full course meal in the dead of the night.

Tiptoeing to various cupboards proved to be just as useless. There was nothing eatable around, not even some damn _bread_. Tony frowned upon inspecting the last cupboard, finding it to be just as empty as the others.  
  
What the fuck?

Was Rogers serious? Tony would be able to locate more food in his own bedroom. One grab between the cushions of his couch would give him a half-eaten sandwich at the very least - which was half a sandwich more than what he currently had to show. 

With a low growl, Tony dropped himself on the nearest chair, fully intending on sulking right there, in the middle of the kitchen. He didn’t even bother with switching the light back off. If Rogers woke up, it was on him. If the guy had simply made one trip to the store, they wouldn’t have a problem.

Well, they’d still have tons of problems but Tony being hungry wouldn’t be one of them. 

Soft playing music entering the room and filling Tony’s ears cut the sulking process rather short. His frown deepened as he got up, following the sound to its source. He couldn’t identify the exact track that was playing but it must have been Mozart; or another dead composer with a tragic life. Those awful music lessons had paid off. 

Tony came to a halt in front of the living room, head peeking inside. The radio was peacefully playing the tunes as it stood there in the dark. That wasn’t what caught his eyes, however. The unmoving figure on the couch was far more interesting; and disturbing. 

It was unnatural for someone to sit with their back that straight, looking like they were more of a statue than a breathing person. It unnerved Tony to no end, especially since there was not a single light on in that room. 

  
“Steve?” he called out while stepping over the threshold. The figure’s head turned and Tony regretted his decision instantly. What was he supposed to say now? He’d disturbed the guy’s music hour with no motive as to why - because worry certainly didn’t count. “Everything alright?”  
  
Rogers didn’t say anything for a moment. In the darkness, Tony couldn’t even see if the guy was actually looking at him or not but there was no way in hell that he’d switch on the lights. This was already creepy enough without seeing the look on Roger’s face.

Painfully silent seconds passed until the tense figure finally spoke up, sounding more confused than angry. “Tony.” The urge to turn around and flee the scenery became stronger by the second. Tony tapped his foot against the ground, fighting against the rising nervousness inside his body.  
  
For some reason, something was very wrong with this whole picture and he didn’t know why. 

Lots of people were up during this time, Tony being no exception. More often than not, he would be out with Rhodey until the early hours of the morning, drinking, partying and not feeling the slightest bit of exhaustion. Sitting in your own living room and listening to the radio was nothing weird. 

The sight of Captain America, sitting rigid in complete darkness still didn’t feel right.  
  
Tony waited for the man to say something else but Rogers appeared to be content with staying silent, head still turned so they were facing each other. Being more than just a little uncomfortable, Tony pointed at the TV in the corner of the room. 

“Might wanna turn that on if you’re looking for a distraction. Makes falling asleep much easier.” 

His brain had the habit of running on full speed, no matter what time of the day. In the deadly silence of his bedroom, there were few things it could latch onto which resulted in him tossing and turning while ideas for one thousand and one things that kept sleep away. The soft buzzing of the running TV helped. 

“I’m not tired,” came Steve’s quiet answer. They were in the same room but the guy’s voice sounded like he was miles away. Tony hummed in response, grateful when Steve began speaking again. “I’m not even a fan of this kind of music. It’s just too quiet here.” 

Tony nodded, even though the motion was lost in the darkness around him. “I get that.” 

“You do?”

“Well, yeah. Can’t get myself into the right mindset without some sound to keep my thoughts from running away on me. It’s a real bitch, isn’t it?”  
  
Steve was quiet for a moment before a soft ‘Hm’ filled the space between them. “I’m not familiar with this kind of silence. I’ve never lived so isolated before and during—” He broke off but Tony knew what he was referring to. 

The weapon presentations his father forced him to attend a regular basis were enough to give him a rough idea about what soldiers had to go through, sleeping in an environment like that. Coming home and lying in bed with total silence filling the room must have felt like being dumped into cold water all of the sudden. 

Tony smirked at his very fitting comparison. 

“What are you doing up?” His attention snapped back to Rogers. His voice had found some of its intonations again, making him sound more like a human being and less like a robot. It shouldn’t matter - but Tony relaxed a little upon noticing. 

He shrugged. “Dunno. New house, unfamiliar surrounding. It’s probably gonna take a few days for me to warm up to this.” The quiet but ever-present classic music was still playing in the background, giving every word he uttered a dramatic effect. “You sure that everything’s fine though?”

“I’ll manage. I don’t have another option.” 

It was as dismissive as Rogers was going to get and Tony took the hint. He excused himself, wishing the other man a good night before cold feet paddled upstairs and back to his own room. 

Only when he had thrown the sheets back over himself did it occur to Tony that he hadn’t even brought up the subject of the missing food - and after his encounter with Rogers just now, he was even more reluctant to even mention it, fearing that he already knew the answer to his unspoken question.

* * *

“So, what do you wanna start with?” Tony asked as he threw the stone he’d picked up as far as he could, watching it hit the surface of the water, disrupting the peaceful stream and creating angry waves. 

SHIELD had outdone themselves with this location. It was a beautiful little patch of land to live on, the lake complementing the house and trees surrounding it perfectly. Tony wouldn’t have minded if this was his home; without the added deadweight, of course.

Rogers looked like he didn’t care that they were standing in what could easily be described as paradise. His stern expression would lead everyone to believe that he was being held captive in the desert. 

But at least, Tony had managed to drag him outside and that was already a win. The weather was nicer than yesterday, the wind not as cruel. It was one of the first days that truly gave off a summer vibe. That was probably the only reason Rogers agreed to take a walk around his grounds. 

Tony turned after failing to receive an answer. Rogers stood a good distance away from him, eyes trained on the spot where the water was still stirring because of the rock’s assault. Come to think about it, maybe giving him a house right next to this big pond of water hadn’t been the smartest idea. 

He picked up a small branch from the ground, throwing it in Roger’s general direction. “Hey! Tony to Steve. Come in, please.” The guy blinked a couple of times before his piercing blue eyes snapped to Tony. From the look on his face, it wasn’t hard to guess that he hadn’t paid attention to anything that had been said. 

It was a little insulting, to be honest. Usually, he was the one doing the ignoring - it wasn’t nice to be on the receiving end. 

Tony repeated his question, this time with Rogers actually listening. “I asked what you’d like to start with?” The confused face staring back at him made him roll his eyes. “Adjusting to your new life, remember? The whole reason I am here - to help you.” It was like talking to his grandmother with Alzheimer. 

Only that he liked his grandmother - or, Tony was sure that he would have liked her if he’d ever met her. Moving on. 

“Anyways, I was thinking that we might start with a little history lesson about what you’ve missed out on.” Truth was, they’d probably need more than one of those, taking into account all the shit that had gone down during Roger’s time as sleeping beauty. Tony figured they could start little and build themselves a solid base. “I brought a bunch of books with me, or we can check out one of the museums in the city if that’s more your style.”  
  
Rogers was silent for a moment before replying. “That sounds like a good idea. The books, that is.” Tony couldn’t say that he was surprised about hearing that. Rogers, inside a public place and surrounded by dozens of people, didn’t strike him as likely, not this early in his stay at least. 

Tony nodded. “Cool. I’d say it would be smart to start with the end of the war that you didn’t get to witness.” He picked up another rock, sending it flying the same route the first one had taken. He watched as it disappeared in the water, once again leaving nothing behind but panicked little waves. 

Behind him, Rogers inhaled sharply. When Tony spun around to face him, the guy had already put a remarkable amount of distance between them, heading back towards the house. His steps were quick, almost too the point of panicked. Little twigs and branches were flying up around his feet from the sheer force of them. 

Tony got as far as taking one step before realising that he couldn’t catch up to Rogers, not even if he sprinted. “Hey!” he called out instead, hoping to catch the guy’s attention and slow him down.  
  
It didn’t work. Rogers didn’t stop, didn’t even do so much as falter in his steps. He disappeared inside the house before Tony could do anything else, leaving him behind utterly confused. 

There was a large window that allowed him to look directly into the living room and although he was a good distance away from it, the distinct movement of a silhouette pacing up and down behind the glass was unmistakable. 

Frustrated and slightly lost on what to do, Tony turned back to the lake with a growl. He hadn’t _done_ anything that could have potentially offended Rogers. No, he had been nice and supporting and offered to give him a stupid lesson about the end of the war. Wasn’t that the right thing to do? Teaching him about all the stuff he missed-

Tony’s eyes landed on the water. It had gone still again, leaving no indication that something had ever disrupted it. There was a lump in the back of his throat all of a sudden, impossible to swallow down as Tony stared.

The rocks were lost to the deep blue underneath where no one would ever discover them again. 

* * *

The sun had reached its highest point when Tony finally couldn’t take it anymore. “Listen, I need something to eat or I’m going to get really uncomfortable to live with.”  
  
Steve chuckled where he sat on the couch. “So, up until now, you have been a pleasant companion?” 

With a loud and overdramatic gasp, Tony pretended to be hurt. “Why, of course, my lord! I haven’t spent the last 2 hours going over every president that came after Roosevelt with you to be insulted like that!”  
  
After the little outburst at the lake, Tony had figured that, perhaps, he should start with something more vague; something that didn’t hit too close to home. The presidents had seemed like an agreeable topic. Thankfully, Steve had been happy enough with that option, listening intently throughout all of Tony’s explanations. The atmosphere had been tense at the beginning but gradually eased as time went on. 

Him being a good student and listener hadn’t surprised Tony - what _did_ surprise him was that Steve apparently had a sense of humour. It was small and well-hidden but it was there. It pleased him to no end. 

The dry comments during the last few hours had cracked him up more than Tony would ever have admitted. Good to know that humour hadn’t changed that much during the past 40 years. Even though in the past, people hadn’t been as sarcastic as nowadays. Or maybe that was just Tony and had nothing to do with the time.

Still, all the talking and biting back his laughter had left him starving. “Steve, I’m serious. I’m _hungry_ and there is nothing around here to satisfy this need. Either we go out to eat or we go shopping - your choice.” With that, Tony plopped down on the couch, a good distance away from Steve as the man contemplated on what to do.  
  
“Can’t you go out on your own? I’m not really hungry.” Steve smiled, showing off his dimples and perfectly white teeth. It was a good sight, a _really_ good sight - but not enough to distract Tony from the concerning topic at hand. 

“I’ve been here for nearly 20 hours and I haven’t seen you eat _once,_ Steve. Nothing,” he threw back, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. “Because you have nothing lying around here to eat. You must be starving.”  
  
Steve was persistent. “I’m fine, Tony. But you should head out and get something for yourself. It’ll give us a little time away from one another.” Then, almost as an afterthought, he added. “If you want to do something else after finishing your meal, I’m fine with that as well.” 

For some reason, Tony hesitated. He should have been ecstatic at the opportunity to get out of there for as long as possible and have some time for himself. Hell, if hit the gas pedal hard enough, he’d even be able to spend a few hours with Rhodey. It was what he had wanted from the moment Howard had told him about this whole arrangement. 

But this wasn’t the way Tony wanted it to happen. Steve wasn’t supposed to give him permission to leave him alone - and certainly not when he hadn’t had a bite of anything in days. “Shouldn’t your super-soldier body be giving you an even harder time for not feeding it properly?”

Steve shrugged. “So far, it hasn't spoken up and I haven’t heard any complaints.”  
  
“ _So far_?” Tony repeated in disbelief. “Dude, are you trying to tell me that you haven’t eaten at all since you’ve been found?” He was going to go into cardiac arrest, or more likely, his stomach was.  
  
Steve shook his head, laughing at the question. “No, Tony. Of course, I have eaten something since I woke up. Just not as much as I used to before.” That didn’t sound that much better but at least he wasn’t in any danger of waking up one morning to discover Steve passed out on the floor. “I’m really not hungry.” 

“Yeah, that might be true and all but you still _need_ to eat, man. Give your body some energy and all.” Okay, it was decided then. Tony reached over to give Steve a strong pat on the shoulder. “Let’s go. We’ll take my car and be back in like an hour or so.” 

He jumped up and made a run for the door, Steve following at a much more civilised pace. “Tony, I’m not sure about this.”  
  
“No problem because I am.” Despite the warm weather, Tony made sure to get his jacket before pulling open the door. The sun wouldn’t save him from the hard wind that’d hit him while driving and he was already regretting putting time into making his hair that morning. 

All the effort for nothing. 

Steve walked past him, completely ignoring his own jacket until Tony threw it at him. He whirled around, catching it just in time before it fell on the ground. “It’s nearly too hot to even wear a shirt,” he complained but didn’t make a move to put it back on the coat hanger. 

Tony couldn’t help but chuckle. “Hey, if you wanna take your clothes off, I’m not going to argue. I bet you’re hiding something pretty nice under there.” The blush that spread across Steve’s cheeks was adorable. Sadly, Tony couldn’t appreciate it for very long since Steve turned away almost immediately to walk down the steps of his front porch. 

“Just saying!” Tony followed suit, pulling out his car keys as he did so. “But if you’re going for a ride in my darling, you probably want to wear a little more than that.” 

His Dodge Viper GTS was parked just in front of the house, its red colour catching the rays of the midday sun, making it impossible to miss. Steve was standing at the back of it, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. 

“You like it?” Tony asked with a smile. His darling was a chick magnet, though almost none of them actually recognized how great of a car it actually was. They only saw the flashy colour and opened up top and all went wild over it - and him, to a certain degree. “Doesn’t just have the looks but also the power to back them up.” 

“I’ve never seen this model before.” Steve’s hand reached out to trail along the side of it. “Is it new?”  
  
“Yeah, very new, in fact. Only came on the market a couple of weeks ago. The old man got it for me under the condition that I’d shut my mouth for the rest of the day. Now, put on your jacket and let’s head off. I need you to go to Burger King at least once before it’s gonna get out of business.” Tony took off into a sprint, jumping up at just the right moment to slide over the hood of the car and land on the driver’s side. With a triumphant smile, he turned to face Steve. “I practised this more times than I wanna admit - but it paid off, didn’t it?”

Steve was in the middle of throwing on his jacket. He shook his head in apparent exhaustion but the grin on his face was unmistakable. “Amazing, really.” Tony pouted at the blatant sarcasm but decided to let it slide. The man hadn’t eaten in days - that would make everybody cranky. He watched as Steve pulled open the door and got inside, followed by Tony jumping over his side just for the sheer fun of it. “Quick question, though. Who is that Burger King you want to take me to?”  
  
“Dude,” Tony jammed his keys into the keyhole and twisted, listening to the engine as it roared to life. The car shook slightly under its power. “You’re one lucky son of a bitch for having me with you. I’m gonna teach you a great deal.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind comments! They are very much appreciated.

_June 17th, 1992_

“Slow down!”   
  
Tony didn’t bother with listening, the foot on the gas pedal continuing to kick down as hard as before. 

“Slow the damn car down, Tony!” 

Sighing, he turned his head to look at the panicking man in the passenger seat clinging to the console as if his life depended on it. “Dude, didn’t you like fly planes or something? Surely that must have been faster than my darling can go.”   
  
Steve clenched his teeth, one of his hands letting go of the console to grab Tony’s jaw and turn his head back towards empty road in front of him. “Eyes on the road!” Tony hummed, enjoying the feel of Steve’s strong hand on his face. Sadly, it was gone as quick as it had appeared. Maybe it was for the better though. Otherwise, Tony wouldn’t have paid much attention to the fact that he was driving. 

“You really got to relax, Steve.” They were going fast enough that Tony had to scream to make his words audible over the headwind. Okay, he could slow down just a little bit and cut Steve some slack - but where would be the fun in that? “I know my darling is difficult to navigate but I’m an expert!”   
  
The car had only been in his possession for a couple of weeks but that didn’t change the fact that Tony was an excellent driver. He could handle everything that was thrown at him. Too bad that Steve didn’t have as much faith in him.

“You know,” A bump in the road made him groan, the sound almost painful. “Last time I was in an airplane it didn’t end that well for me!” If Steve didn’t stop clawing at the console like that, he was most definitely going to leave marks. “Please, slow the car down, Tony!”  
  
Tony bit the inside of his cheek, foot easing up from the gas pedal. The car reacted in a heartbeat, slowing down gradually until the wind in their face felt just a slight breeze instead of a painful whip. “Sorry,” he mumbled out, embarrassed by momentarily having forgotten about Steve’s trauma. “I really am.” 

“It’s alright.” However, despite his words saying differently, Steve didn’t look alright. There was a certain fear in his eyes that Tony had seen resurface repeatedly over the last couple of days; always caused by ill-worded comments about his past. He hated being the reason for Steve’s panic but his brain to mouth filter was non-existent and the words just kept flowing out of him. 

Steve turned his head away but the nervous tapping of his fingers against his knee gave everything away and Tony expected his following words before he actually uttered them into the warm afternoon air. “Can we take a break? Just for a moment or two? We’ve been driving for almost an hour and I’d really like to stretch my legs.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” Tony eyes were already scanning the area for a much-desired parking spot. When he didn’t find one close enough, he settled for pulling over on the side of the road, content with the knowledge that almost no one would drive by. They were nearly in the middle of nowhere, after all. “We’re actually almost at our destination anyway.” 

Steve was out of the car and stalking into the field right beside the road in no time. Tony watched him for a second until it became clear that he wasn’t going to return any time soon. With a heavy sigh - and making sure to give himself a mental slap for being so inconsiderate - he got out of the car to follow him. Well, they could walk the remaining distance. 

“Big guy, wait up for me!” Tony called out, falling into a light jog in an attempt to make good on the headstart Steve had gotten on him. “Shorter legs and shit. I ain’t as fast as you.” The man stopped and turned, hands in pockets as he waited for Tony to catch up. 

Steve gave him a sheepish look, clearly embarrassed by his need to flee from the situation. “You didn’t have to follow me, Tony. I would have been back in a second.” 

“Nah, you wouldn’t have,” Tony replied softly, showing Steve that he wasn’t upset by it. That had been on him and him alone. He hadn’t driven that fast before, hadn’t realised that he couldn’t let loose like he did when he was on his own. 

Tony loved blaming other people for all of his problems, yes and most of the time blaming his father was the right step to take - but not now. “It’s alright. We’re not that far away from the spot I wanted to show you. Come on, we can walk there.”

He walked past Steve, the other man following after a moment. “Is the car even locked?”  
  
Despite Steve being unable to see it, Tony rolled his eyes. He lifted his hand to show off the key dangling from his index finger. “Did you really expect me to leave my darling behind like that? That hurts, man.” 

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Without stopping in his tracks, Tony turned his head to glare at Steve. The man’s face remained a facade of passiveness as he stared back the cocking of one eyebrow the only sign that he accepted the silent challenge in the air. Actually, it didn’t feel like a challenge; more like… Tony didn’t know. 

The longer he stared into the deep oceans that were Steve’s eyes, the more he felt the glare on his face melt into nothingness until all that remained was a soft smile. The blue pools staring back at him widened slightly upon realizing. Tony opened his mouth, ready to say something - when his foot caught itself in a jutted out root and made him trip.

He stumbled forward, trying to keep his balance with little success. A loud whine left him as he spiralled towards the ground at a rapid pace, already preparing himself for a broken nose. The arms that wrapped itself around his waist and chest saved him just in time. How on earth Steve managed to close the distance between them that quickly was a mystery to him - must have been that super soldier serum taking charge. 

Steve kept a tight hold of him until he was back on his feet and no longer in danger of falling over. Only then, did he allow himself to pull back. Tony wanted to complain - the arms around him had been strong and secure; had made him feel safe. Now, he was on his own again. Alright, maybe he should stop that train of thought before it ran out of control.

Tony took a deep breath before he turned around, hands straightening the non-existing wrinkles in his jacket. “Well, that was embarrassing.” Steve looked like he was thinking the same thing, though why the man was blushing, Tony had no clue. He had nothing to be embarrassed about. It had been Tony who nearly took the nose dive onto the ground, Steve had saved him from that fate. “Thanks, Steve. I know it would have been a lot funnier for you to watch me drop like a sack of potatoes.” 

“Not really.” Steve really needed to tone it down with that flush on his face, otherwise Tony would start making lewd comments very soon. The red on his cheeks was just too much of a good look to not be pointed out. “I don’t see much fun in carrying you back to the car and being forced to drive that monstrosity home.

Tony gaped. “Monstrosity?! How dare you?” No one could talk about his darling like that, not even Captain America. “She’s the sweetest gal around and I expect an apology when we get back.” Steve’s huff told him that it wouldn’t be easy to make that happen. If there was one thing Tony was, however, it was stubborn. He’d get that apology - sooner or later. “We better get going. If we hurry, we’ll arrive at just the right time.”  
  
“As long as you don’t trip over a flower, we’ll be good.”   
  
“You think I’m afraid to hit an old man? I don’t have any scruples, dude. Don’t test me.”

* * *

It took them a little over an hour before they finally arrived at the spot Tony had found the day before. It was a beautiful spot, grass as green as it could get, surrounded by a circle of trees that threw their cooling shadows over it. It was like a shield against the burning sun and the little pond of water right in the middle of it seemed like the cherry on top. 

Steve’s question when he’d first seen the spot had been very justified. “How on _earth_ did you find this place?” Tony had said by accident, which was true. Kind of. All he had done was hit the road and driven until he’d found himself in the middle of nowhere. Alright, he didn't bother with the fact that he had been hyperventilating during the whole ride but that was just trivial stuff that Steve didn’t have to know about. 

Usually, when everything was threatening to become too much, Tony’s solution was to lock himself into his workshop and stay there until he either calmed down or passed out - whatever came first. He was fine with both. Problem was, with his new home and lack of workshop to run to, he had to make do with what he had.

And what he had was his car. 

Honestly, finding this place had been more of an accident than anything else but Tony was very thankful for it. The puddle of water was too small to freak Steve out too much, or at least that’s what he hoped for. So far, it didn’t seem like there were any problems with it.

They were sitting under one of the trees, Tony with his back against the trunk, eyes closed. It was nice, being like this - relaxing for once. The shadows of the leaves above him were just enough to not make the weather bearable. There wasn’t any wind and Tony could begin feeling strands of his hair stuck to his face from the heat.   
  
But it was manageable. The sight he got when his eyes blinked open was worth every single drop of sweat. Steve’s eyes were closed as well, head slightly tilted up as the man enjoyed the fresh air. Tony had been badgering him for days, begging him to come out with him again. 

The trip to Burger King had been funny, though it hadn't brought the result that Tony hoped for. Steve had taken one bite out of a burger before deciding that it wasn’t anything for him. Well, one bite still counted as a win, right? Better than nothing at all. What couldn’t be counted as a win was Steve not having left the house again since that trip - until now. 

Tony watched the man quietly, a small smile on his face. Steve was so content, looking like that. The frown that usually rented out his face was gone, replaced by a slight upward curl of lips. Steve was pretty when he looked like someone had just insulted him and his entire family - but he was beautiful when smiling and happy. Okay, not happy but something _close_ to happy. Everyone deserved that. 

That was exactly the reason for Tony’s next words. “You know, it’s okay now.” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. It broke the trance Steve was in, his eyes snapping open as he turned his head to look at Tony questioningly. “Alright, not _okay_ okay but it’s not illegal anymore.” A leave tumbled down and landed right in front of him, catching his eye. “Might not wanna mention it to your army buddies or someone close because technically, it’s still not allowed _there_ but otherwise-”   
  
“Tony, what are you talking about?” 

Tony blinked. Surely, Steve knew. It wasn’t that hard to guess - he had to know. Right? Suddenly, Tony was feeling a lot less sure about himself, his hands starting to fiddle with the grass beneath him. It was surprisingly cool, caressing his skin and grounding him. This wasn’t the time to become a coward just because it was Captain America he was making assumptions about instead of some random guy. “I mean - you’re queer, right?”  
  
Never had he seen a man nearly choke on nothing but his own spit. Steve was saying things through his fits of coughing but Tony couldn’t make out any of them, no matter how close he listened. His fingers ripped out blades of grass as he waited for Steve to collect himself. 

“What _—_ ” Another cough made him break off. Steve ran a hand through his perfectly sitting blonde hair, allowing a few curls to break out of their capture. Through the thin shirt he was wearing, Tony could see his breathing starting to pick up. “What makes you think that?! I— I’m _not—_ who the hell told you—”

“Whoa, dude. Language!” This wasn’t going to work if he immediately backed off upon hitting a small bump in the road. Tony might not have been good at talking to people, or communicating with them in general - but he could read them sometimes. When he skipped the part with the unnecessary conversations, when he focused on nothing but _observing_ and listening, he could read people as well as machines. 

He stretched his legs, eyes not leaving Steve as the man got up to pace around. “Look, correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure you’ve been checking me out.” At least that was what it looked like to Tony. There had been too many times where he found himself turning to look at Steve, just to discover that the man had been staring at him the whole time. “And by _me_ , I mostly mean my ass.”

Alright, maybe Tony had been very prominent with bending over any surface he could find just to test that theory and made it especially hard for Steve - but he couldn’t be blamed for that. When you had a theory, it was important to gather as much evidence as possible to prove it. Totally natural. 

Steve looked like he was going to blame him for it. He whirled around to face Tony, hands balling into fists at his side. “I don’t care what you think you saw. It’s not true.” He’d never seen Steve this defensive before, blue eyes blazing with a kind of passion Tony hadn’t seen until now. He’d struck a nerve then.

“Look, it’s alright.” Slowly, he got up from his comfortable position. He felt small enough when they were both standing but with him sitting, it was unbearable. “It isn’t forbidden anymore. You can even be in the army!” Tony flinched slightly, remembering that the whole topic was as hot as it could get. “As long as you don’t tell anyone there. Kind of a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.”

He had always thought of it as a stupid arrangement. What did it matter who you were into? It didn’t affect your work there in any kind of way, didn’t affect your skills or willingness to fight for your country. It just didn’t make sense.

He had asked his father about it once. That had been a big mistake. Tony was used to getting yelled at for any matter whatsoever - but he had been utterly freaked out by the quiet and tense voice the old man had used to explain to him that homosexuality wasn’t something you should be proud of, much less talk about. 

“I’d like to go home now.” Steve had turned away from him, making it impossible for Tony to get a read on him. Tony didn’t need to see his face to know the man wasn’t happy but the question if he was angry or sad about the conversation still stood. “It’s a nice place. I’m happy you found it.”  
  
Steve fucking Rogers, polite as ever, even in retreat. “Okay,” Tony whispered as he began to follow Steve back into the direction they had originally come from. His eyes were trained on the man’s back, not daring to stroll up to him to walk side by side. Steve clearly wanted some space and he’d grant him that.

Why did he have to bring this up right now? The moment had been quiet, almost peaceful. Steve hadn’t looked worried for once. It had seemed like he actually enjoyed the rays of sun on his skin, the wind blowing in his face and the grass beneath his hands - and Tony had ruined the entire thing by opening his mouth; like always. 

The walk back to the car was filled with a tense silence, Tony stumbling after Steve like a lost puppy with his head held low. This wasn’t a defeat per se but he’d keep his mouth shut until they were back at Steve’s home. The man couldn’t run away there - or it would be a lot harder to do so.

His darling was still right there where they had left it at the side road. As soon as he saw the car, Tony took off into a sprint, quickly passing by Steve who made no move to change his own walking pace. That was fine - they were in no rush to get back home.

At least Steve wasn’t. 

Tony waited for the other man to reach the car before jumping into his seat, watching Steve’s jaw clench at the action. He’d told Tony to stop doing that after he’d nearly broken his nose thanks to slipping on a patch of wet grass.

Naturally, Tony continued doing it. Most of the time it was simply to annoy Steve and see him fighting the urge to smack the younger man across the back of his head. Now it wasn’t the intention of getting Steve flustered that made Tony jump over his car door though - but simply the wish to hear him speak _at all_. 

No one granted his wish. Steve stayed silent, only raising an eyebrow at him before getting into the car himself. Tony shouldn’t have taken the small reaction as a victory but he did; not to mention the fact that he got into the car as well.

Perhaps he hadn’t messed everything up beyond repair. 

That realization didn’t make the drive home any less awkward. Tony actually made sure not to break the speed limit, something that hadn’t happened for a long time. It was too slow for him, way too slow, but Steve seemed to relax a little upon noticing so he kept it up.

The missing wind in his face wasn’t what bothered Tony most, it was the silence. They would drive for at least another hour before arriving back at the house and now that the car wasn’t flying over the road, it’d most definitely take _even_ longer than the way there had. 

Tony hated not talking. Sure, when he was busy tinkering away in his dad’s workshop, he could go without any conversation for hours - but his mind was usually focused on something else during those times. He had something to do, something to distract him, something that required every bit of attention he could muster up. 

Right now, however, there was nothing for Tony to obsess over besides the silence stretching itself between Steve and him. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from speaking, from messing up even further as he kept on driving, his hands gripping the steering wheel with more force than necessary. 

* * *

“Please don’t tell anyone.” 

No word had been uttered for the past 40 minutes - so, no one could blame Tony for flinching when the man beside him started speaking out of nowhere… and no one could blame him for flinching hard enough to steer the car into the opposite lane.   
  
Thankfully, the entire road was as abandoned as it had been earlier. 

That didn’t stop Tony’s heartbeat from picking up at the sudden loss of control. He scolded Steve with an angry, “Dude!” as he steered his darling back onto the proper side of the street. “A little head’s up would be nice. You nearly gave me a heart attack.” 

There was no reply to his little outburst and when Tony turned his head to glare at Steve, all the anger he’d felt up until that point vanished. The man wasn’t looking at him, choosing to instead watch the fields they were driving by. At the speed they were going, there was actually enough time to see something besides a blurry picture of green and yellow. 

Until now, Tony had only paid attention to the fact that Steve had spoken up, not to the actual words he had said. His brain did a quick playback, trying to remember what exactly had been asked of him. 

When Steve’s words finally echoed inside his head, Tony had to swallow, hard. He had expected that their conversation earlier would be ignored until Tony himself brought it up again. He did not expect Steve to comment on it - and not while they were still in the car.   
  
Contrary to his father’s belief, Tony was able to have serious conversations - as long as he was the one initiating and leading them. When someone else tried to do so, he preferred answering everything with his most of the time unappreciated humour. 

It was easier to deal with people when they were mad and yelling at him.

“Did you seriously need more than half an hour to find the courage to say that?” Deep down, he knew that Steve wouldn’t fall for the bait, that he wouldn’t get angry and drop the entire subject in favour of calling him out on his general assholeness. It still unnerved him when it didn’t happen.

“Please.” 

Despite his silent promise regarding not causing Steve any further panic, Tony felt the car speed up. The wind was still not strong enough to drown out the words that were spoken and Tony _knew_ that he needed to answer. 

Fantastic.

Another minute passed without him building up the courage to say anything - right until he told himself to stop being a big baby. He had been the one to bring this up in the first place, hadn’t he? The least he could do now was respond. 

Tony made sure that his voice could be heard over the engine. “I won’t.” Who would he tell anyway? Rhodey? Any of the other people he knew that he could potentially consider friends? His mother? His father? 

The last thought caused Tony to nearly choke on his own spit. Sure, he’d have a heart to heart conversation with his old man - that sounded so absurd it could only happen if he were on LSD. “I promise, Steve. I shouldn’t even have mentioned it. I just thought… nevermind. I’m sorry.”   
  
“It’s alright.”   
  
Good. Steve had said that it was alright. Tony could drop the subject now and go back to talking about nothing but bullshit as he had before. Too bad that he was an idiot with no filter in sight. “I don’t mind though, if you were concerned. I don’t. I’m—”   
  
“Tony, it’s fine.” Ah, there it was. The exhaustion in Steve’s voice that Tony had been waiting for to return. It was the default tone the man used when talking to him. “Just keep your eyes on the road and make sure that we’ll get home in one piece.”

Pouting, Tony looked at him once again, completely ignoring his order. “Why do you still doubt my amazing driving skills? Surely, by now, you should know better.” Maybe he had occupied two lanes a few minutes ago but that was on Steve and Steve alone. It had nothing to do with his driving.

“The only reason you’re able to say that right now is because there wasn’t a car on the other side of the roadway when you swerved into it moments ago.” Tony stared, mesmerized by the way Steve’s lips twitched after his comment. He still wasn’t looking at him but he had turned his body so he was at least facing the road in front of them again.   
  
It gave Tony the chance to bask in the glory of the man’s side profile. That jawline could cut through anything, including him. He honestly wouldn’t complain. Tony hummed at the image that was created in his mind, the sound catching Steve’s attention in a matter of heartbeats.

The man’s eyes caught his own, capturing Tony’s undivided attention in an instant. Steve wasn’t smiling but he wasn’t frowning either and with the conversation they just had, Tony counted that as a win. The smile he flashed Steve was an immediate reaction to that.

His heart nearly stopping was a reaction to Steve smiling back at him after a moment. How on earth were those man’s teeth so damn white—

“Tony!” Steve’s smile was gone, replaced by pure panic as he stared at the road. Tony’s eyes followed his gaze in search of what had broken the moment. He was once again in the wrong lane - only this time, he wasn’t alone.   
  
He saw the approaching car right as it began to honk, letting out a strangled gasp as he violently turned the heel in an attempt to steer his darling back towards its proper course. Tony managed to do so, even though there was almost no space left between the two vehicles as they passed each other.   
  
“Shit,” was the first thing he got out after his ability to breathe had returned. “Didn’t see that.”   
  
“Oh, didn’t you?” Now, Steve did sound angry. Rightfully so, he guessed. He had nearly caused a car crash after all. But beneath the anger, Tony heard a good amount of fear as well and that was worse than any hatred. “That was close.” 

“Yeah,” he responded in a quiet voice because what else could be said? 

Steve took a deep breath, one of his hands smoothing back a few of the curls that had fallen in his face. “What was that about you being an impeccable driver again?” Whether it was meant as a joke to lighten the situation or an angry off-hand comment, Tony didn’t know. It felt like a punch in the gut regardless. 

“I’m truly sorry, Steve. I got distracted.” _By you._ Yeah, he wasn’t about to add _that_. “I’ll just…” Tony let his words trail off as he realized that he didn’t know where he was going with them. What did you say to someone you had nearly gotten killed? ‘It won’t happen again’? 

Luckily, Steve decided to take charge of the situation. “It’s fine, Tony. I’m partly to blame as well.”  
  
“No, that was on me and I’m—”   
  
“I _am_ to blame as well _._ ” Tony frowned, not agreeing with that statement whatsoever but scared to let his gaze fall away from the road for even the shortest of seconds. “But no one got hurt so it doesn't matter. Just… keep your eyes on the road until we’re home, okay?”   
  
That he could do without a problem. “Yes, Sir.” Forgetting that he’d almost died because of Steve Rogers’ beautiful eyes would be a lot harder to do though. 


	4. Chapter 4

_June 20th, 1992_

It was the yelling that woke Steve up. Well, waking up may have been a strong word to use, considering that a quick glance at the clock told him that he’d been asleep for less than an hour. It was still the best sleep he’d gotten in the past week or so. 

Tony had managed to get some food into him after a long day of trying to teach him about technology. Steve had always known that this would be one of the hardest topics for him to understand. Not to accept but to understand. He’d never been good at this sort of thing and Tony was simply _too_ good at it.   
  
When Steve told him that this was all becoming too quick for him to follow, the look of utter confusion he’d received nearly made him laugh out loud. But as much as Tony had wanted to continue at this rapid pace, he’d done his best to make it as easy for Steve as possible.

Well, and Steve had owed him a little compensation after that, hadn’t he? A quick meal and some rest - that was more than acceptable. 

There was sleep in his eyes that Steve did his best to blink away as he walked through the house, towards the sound of Tony’s angry voice. He located it in the living room, where the man was pacing up and down, phone held to his ear. 

"Steve, whatever, _The Captain_ and he hates being called that, by the way - is fine. Yes, I know. I know. Yes, the car is fine as well." A pause. "I'm fine too. You know, your own fucking son, driver of said car that nearly crashed. Not that you seem to care."

Steve paled where he stood in the doorway, not sure what to do. He had mentioned the close call with the car to Howard when they had talked yesterday - but he’d made it very clear that nothing had happened and that Tony wasn’t the one to blame. Or at least he thought he had. 

With tentative steps, Steve entered the room. Tony immediately caught the action, hazel brown eyes snapping to where he was standing. The fire Steve saw in there took him back. It wasn’t the one he’d grown used to, the soft and joking flame that always kept things interesting. 

No, this fire smelled of destruction.

No more words were exchanged as Tony stomped over to Steve to press the phone into his hands. “Here,” he spat out, fingers curling around Steve’s palm. “He doesn’t believe me that you’re alright. Tell him yourself.” With that, the younger man turned around and stormed out of the living room.   
  
Steve heard the front door open and slam shut a moment later. Torn between going after Tony and clearing up whatever was going on with Howard, he decided for the latter. It would probably be easier to get Tony back inside if he could tell him that his father was no longer angry.   
  
Angry about something that Steve had told him, despite knowing that the man could get quite protective when it came to his friends - maybe that hadn't been the best idea. Howard’s relationship with Tony was already tense enough as it was without him driving a knife into it. 

Well, he couldn’t turn back time - and god, wouldn’t that be nice? - and the damage was done. The only thing he could do now was to try fixing the mess that he’d caused. Steve took a deep breath and put the phone up to his ear. 

“Howard?” 

“Captain Rogers.” The man’s voice was as friendly as it could get, whatever scolding tone he had used with Tony just moments before completely gone. “I take it that Tony isn’t with you anymore?”   
  
Okay, Steve could hear it now.

“Yes, he just left.” He tapped his foot against the wooden floor a couple of times. “I think he took your words to heart.” Tony would probably kick him if he had heard Steve say those words to his father but he didn’t know what else to do. Honestly seemed as good of an idea as anything. 

The snort that he heard through the phone made him rethink that statement instantly. “The boy was never good at hearing painful truths. The only time he pays attention or listens to anyone is when they are commenting on his genius.”

To say that he was uncomfortable was an understatement. Steve was thankful that his friend couldn’t see his face, couldn’t see how much he was disagreeing with that statement - but it wasn’t his place to tell him that. 

Surely a father knew his son better than someone who had met him a week ago… right? 

“It really wasn’t Tony’s fault,” Steve said regardless because he wouldn’t allow Tony to take all the blame for that incident, even though the younger man had been the one driving the car. “It could have happened to anyone.” 

Steve knew though that he had done his own share to distract the genius with his comments - someone who was already having a hard time to stay focused on one thing without external influence as it was. He should have known better.

Howard didn’t seem to agree with him and was unrelenting as he continued speaking. “No, Captain Rogers. I won’t allow my son to hide from the responsibility. He needs to grow up and take accountability for the trouble he continues causing. Otherwise, he’ll never learn.” Steve opened his mouth but was denied the chance to reply. “You said that he was the one driving the car, that he steered it into the wrong lane and endangered your health. I won’t tolerate that.” 

His health. Tony had endangered Steve’s health - but his own as well. In fact, the younger man had been in a lot more danger while pulling the car back on the right side of the road. Howard didn’t mention that.   
  
Steve frowned. “I distracted him. It’s my fault as well.”   
  
“Please, there is no need to defend—”   
  
“I’m _not_ defending him. I’m stating a fact. I distracted Tony while he was driving.” Steve had no idea when he’d started getting protective of Tony, especially since they had talked even less than usual in the past few days but listening to his father talking about him like this - it didn’t sit right with Steve. 

There was a loud huff on the other line. “Still, I am sure that if he hadn’t driven so recklessly, this wouldn’t have mattered. He must have broken the speed limit like he always does—”  
  
“Actually, he was well within it.” He had noticed that and was still thankful for Tony ignoring his desire to trying to breach Mach 1 in order to assure that Steve was feeling comfortable - or as close to comfortable as possible after their earlier conversation. “Like I said, either we both are to blame or no one is. These things, they happen.” 

There was no reply but Steve had said everything he needed to and patiently waited for Howard to respond. He only hoped that Tony was still pacing around the nearby garden or throwing a couple more rocks in the lake. 

A muscle in his jaw twitched. It was best not to think about that. 

“You two seem to get along better than I expected.” Howard’s voice had lost some of its bite again, though he still sounded far from happy. “Very interesting. My son usually only gets along with people like him.”   
  
_Like him?_ What was that supposed to mean? Steve didn’t know and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. The way his friend has said it was causing him to shift his weight from one foot to another. 

“He’s been very helpful so far.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Although there had been some tension, especially in the beginning, Steve was still surprised by the gentleness Tony possessed when teaching him about everything he had missed. After the comments the younger man had uttered during their first meeting, it hadn’t seemed possible for them to work so well together.

Steve was more than happy to have been proven wrong. 

“Hm.” Howard’s barely hidden distaste about his words was starting to annoy him a little. Was Tony that bad of a person back at home? Sure, he caused trouble but that didn’t classify him as an awful human being in Steve’s book and a father should have even more tolerance. 

“Well, please be so kind and tell him to refer from putting you into any more unnecessary danger, Captain Rogers. The world has lost you once and I don’t want to see that happening again.”

This phone call had already gone on for longer than Steve had wanted it to. Tony was angry and he needed to speak to him. Deciding that it was no use to argue about this matter anymore, at least not at the very moment, Steve simply agreed with a firm “Yes, Sir.” and bid his farewell. 

As soon as the call disconnected, he made his way towards the front door to pull it open and step outside. Steve had expected Tony to have stormed off into the treeline, the guy looked like someone who enjoyed storming off and running away from a situation he didn’t want to deal with.   
  
He didn’t expect to find the man in question hunched over the trunk of the passenger side of his car, hands grasping the top of the door as he put his entire weight onto the vehicle. From where he was standing, Steve could only see his back - but it was enough to tell how tense Tony was. 

There was no way of knowing but Steve was almost certain that the younger man’s eyes were tightly shut. 

“Tony,” he softly called out, making his presence known. A part of him was waiting for Tony to turn around and tell him to get lost - or a much more bad-mouthed version of that statement. The younger man didn’t do well with these kinds of confrontation, that much Steve already knew.

The fact that it had something to do with Howard, who was a sore topic even when Tony was in a good mood, also wasn’t helping the situation.

To Steve’s surprise, that didn’t happen. Tony _did_ turn around but not to yell at him to leave but to give him a smile that looked as forced as it could get while he aggressively wiped at his eyes. There was a distinct redness to them but no wetness, which left Steve wondering if it was just the result of the continued assault. 

“What are you doing out here? I was sure the old man and you would spend the next 3 hours proclaiming your undying love for each other.” The younger man’s voice was as cheerful as ever, not that it meant anything. Tony had the ability to sound happy no matter what. 

It was the choice of words that betrayed him, the way he continued to clench and unclench his right hand, the foot that continued to tap against the ground without any rhythm. Steve wouldn’t be fooled - he knew all those signs too well.

“I explained to him that it wasn’t your fault,” Steve said, forcing what he hoped to be a pleasant smile on his face. He didn’t want to show how much Howard’s words had bothered him. It would only make Tony think that Steve was trying to give him pity.

Tony didn’t return the smile. The young man stared at him, frown firm in place. “What did you do that for?” Huh, _that_ wasn't the reaction that Steve had hoped for. “It was my fault.”

Steve crossed his arms and sighing loudly. Were they honestly about to pick up that conversation yet again? “Tony, we've been over this. You aren't to blame—”

"Am so." The younger man mirrored Steve’s stance for a second before his arms dropped back to his side and he turned away. “He was right. I was distracted and should have been more careful.” Not about to lose his attention, Steve took a step forward to stand next to him. 

“Does that really matter? We’re both alright and I’m sure it won’t happen again.”   
  
“It matters to the old man,” Tony remarked, lips curling into a vicious snarl. “Or didn’t you hear him just now? Wait, maybe you didn’t. I guess he didn’t yell at you the way he yelled at me. Thank god he wasn’t here in person, or else—” 

Steve raised his eyebrows at Tony’s abrupt stop, choosing to remain silent as he waited for the man beside him to speak up again - but nothing happened. Tony shut his mouth so quickly that it actually made a sound and was stubbornly staring straight ahead, right over his car and into the treeline in the distance. 

“Or else?” There was something flickering behind the younger man’s eyes. Steve could see it, even with the limited view that he had of his face. The look on Tony’s face was impossible for him to read but it didn’t look pleasant. 

He did his best to ignore the shiver that ran down his spine.

“Nothing,” Tony replied after such a long time that Steve had nearly forgotten about the fact that he had asked him a question, too caught up in his mind. "It’s nothing. Alright, maybe it’s not _nothing_ but it doesn’t matter. Anyways.” Tony cleared his throat, his voice had gotten a little rough. “I should just drive into a fucking tree. Get it over and done with so the bastard will stop bothering me."

“ _Tony_.” Even if the comment was meant as a joke (which he somehow doubted), Steve wasn’t about to laugh. He wasn’t about to listen to him speaking like that at all. “That isn’t funny. I know your sense of humour differs from mine and I have mostly accepted that yours is a tad bit more… crude.” That was still an understatement. “But I won’t stand here and listen to you talking about yourself in such an awful way.” 

Silence followed his statement. Tony still wasn’t looking at him, eyes narrowed and a thousand miles away. Steve was starting to question if he’d been heard when the younger man whipped his head around to stare at him, a radiant smile on his lips.

Steve had never seen someone change moods that quickly and if he was being honest, it was freaking him out a little. 

“Can’t remember that I asked you to listen.” He was too baffled to react and by the time he caught himself, Tony had already jumped into the driver’s seat. Steve had no clue where the sunglasses the younger man wore had come from but they did their job perfectly, hiding his eyes and everything they could have told him. 

The car engine was what finally made him jump back into action. “Are we going somewhere?” Honestly, Steve didn’t feel like leaving but if that’s what Tony wanted, to get away for a while and clear his head, then he’d—

“No.” He was about to round the car and get into the passenger seat when the word made him stop in his tracks. “Well, yes. Sort of.” Steve frowned but Tony was too busy playing with the radio to notice. “I am going somewhere. You stay right here. I was told that I’m not allowed to drive you anymore.” 

He was going to have another word with Howard. 

“That’s not the reason I’m doing this though. I rarely care about what the old man says.” There was a sharp reply on the tip of his tongue that Steve had difficulties to swallow down. “I think you can use a little break from me.”  
  
Steve wanted to argue, he truly did. He wanted to say that the assumption was nonsense and he was fine with continuing their technology lessons because god knew that he could use a couple more of those.

...but they had been around each other constantly for the past couple of days and while Steve didn’t mind Tony’s presence, it was still unnerving him from time to time. Having a little time to himself didn’t sound too atrocious. 

None of it did he actually say out loud but the look on his face must have been enough for Tony to decipher. He gave Steve a small smile, this one looking much more genuine than the one earlier. “Thought so.” 

Steve knew that he was about to drive off and quickly put a hand on the driver’s side door. “Will you be okay?” He wasn’t about to let him leave, not if he didn’t get a satisfying answer first. Hell, even with that, Tony could still be lying - the younger man seemed to do that a lot - but at least Steve would feel a little better.

Tony was quiet, which was weird in itself - he was never quiet. But now he was and Steve feared that he wouldn’t get the answer he desperately craved to hear. Thankfully, he was saved when Tony chuckled lowly and reached for his hand, softly prying them away from the door. 

His fingers seemed to leave imprints where they touched Steve’s skin.

"You know what, man? Don't worry about it. Besides, the old man would be more upset about the car anyway. Can’t do that to him." Before Steve had the chance to reply to that, the car was moving. It whirled up sand and little rocks as Tony forced it forward, leaving the other man behind to stand in a cloud of dust, coughing as he watched the red vehicle disappear out of sight. 

* * *

He went back to the lake.

Hours had passed and there had been no call from Tony so far, not that Steve was particularly surprised by that. The good thing was that he heard _nothing_ from him, neither good nor bad news. Which meant that the younger man was in no danger right now.

Hopefully. At least that was what Steve continued to tell himself as he stood in the shadow of one of the dozen trees, 

The noise that tore itself out of Steve’s mouth mirrored his inner frustration perfectly. Tony had been sent her to help him adjust, to make the first few months easier for him to deal with - and he did that, of course, he did.

...but whenever they weren’t sitting together on a table, whenever Tony wasn’t babbling on about something very important that shouldn’t be forgotten, it left Steve filled with a certain kind of dread. As much as it bothered him, it wasn’t something that he could control.

If only he would have gotten what he’d been promised - a troublemaker. Steve had spent the majority of his life dealing with people who were out looking for a fight. Most of the time, he’d been on the shorter end of the stick and forced to take whatever those idiots had in store for him. More often than not, that had been a broken nose or something similar. 

Not anymore though - ever since he’d become Captain America, Steve had the ability to stand up to bullies and worse. That was why he had felt capable enough to house Tony for the entire summer. If the man had turned out to be as advertised, their arguments would have been loud and numerous. 

Steve wouldn’t have liked that but he could have dealt with it. What he couldn’t deal with, what he didn’t _want_ to deal with was the constant worry he felt for the younger man. Tony Stark, as far as Steve knew, wasn’t someone he should worry about. 

After all, didn’t the younger man have almost everything you could wish for? Enough money to last a lifetime, a certified genius with an intellect that few could challenge _and_ a certain future as head of the biggest weapon manufacturer company in the world. 

Yes, Steve really shouldn’t be concerned about Tony Stark - and yet there he was, staring into the distance, not able to enjoy the time he had for himself because he was too busy hoping that Tony didn’t go through with his promise from earlier. 

The wind rustling through the leaves above him brought Steve back to the present. He blinked slowly, raising his head to watch the twigs shake under the force of the breeze they were exposed to. 

This place was truly beautiful. Steve just wished that they had given it to someone who appreciated it for what it was. He could have done with an apartment in Brooklyn, something small and unobtrusive. 

But Howard had insisted, had told Steve time and time again that there were too many security risks in a crowded area like that. Apparently, Hydra still wasn’t finished and there was nothing they would love more than to take revenge on the man who had stopped their plan 50 years ago. 

It still felt like a punch in the gut, knowing that Hydra was still out there. Steve thought that with his sacrifice, Red Skull’s death, the prevention from their bombs destroying New York and the creation of SHIELD, it should have been enough to put a stop to them once and for all. 

How naive he had been. That didn’t mean that his sacrifice wasn’t any less important, he did save New York after all, but it felt like less of an impact to him. 

His head dropped back down, eyes focusing on the peaceful water. In contrast to Tony (who had swan dived in there during his very first day staying there), Steve had yet to actually touch it. He knew that the water wouldn’t be freezingly cold. He knew even without Tony telling him so. 

But he couldn’t do it, not right now. The wounds were still too fresh and even though he was acting illogical, Steve wasn’t able to change that. He was sure that, with time, he would heal and no scars would be left. 

He was sure of it. Absolutely. 

Another breeze disrupted the water surface, creating waves. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Steve had the time to appreciate how beautiful the sigh was, especially with the water being decorated by a couple of leaves that had been casualties of the wind. The healthy green blended in perfectly with the deep blue - a pretty sight indeed.

It was a shame that the majority of his mind was otherwise occupied. Steve did his best to regulate his breathing, to keep it slow and steady as he continued to stare at the lake. Every instinct in his body told him to turn away and run. 

But Steve had already done that before, back when he had been here with Tony - and running hadn’t helped, hadn’t kept the memories from flooding back into his mind. They had threatened to drown him, almost like they were attempting to finish the job that the ocean hadn’t managed to do when it had swallowed him up.

No, Steve had to stay here and continue to look. Forcing himself to do so was the only way to get over this. He couldn’t panic every time he was a puddle on the ground or felt the cold wind hit his face - even taking a shower that wasn’t scalding hot turned out to be a problem currently.   
  
He had to fix this before things got out of control. It was only a matter of time until Captain America was needed again. Howard had implied as much on the phone a few days ago and Steve couldn’t say that he was surprised. There were always battles that needed to be fought, no matter how much he wanted that to not be the case. 

The world needed Captain America - and they needed him fully functioning, ready to throw himself back on the battlefield with his mind on nothing but keeping his team safe and defeating the enemy. 

His own problems didn’t matter at that moment, or in general. Especially when he was struggling with something so mundane. He’d been out of the ice for nearly a month now, surely the nightmares and such would stop soon. 

For now, however… 

Steve turned away from the lake, no longer able to keep up the charade. He was sweating, something that happened so rarely even when he ran miles on end, and his chest was rising and falling quicker than it should. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to get any unpleasant images out of his head - but they were just so many. Water. Ice. The freezing wind hitting him through the broken glass. The clouds in the sky. Peggy’s voice, reminding him of a dance he’d missed. The darkness. The _cold_.

Yes, he’d get this under control sooner or later but for now, he fled. Steve was a soldier - he knew when a battle was lost. 


End file.
